Badminton, the national game. I think...

Badminton, the used-to-be pride of the nation. I can still remember when we won THomaS cup back in the year 1992... ahhh.. those were the good old days...

Man, fuck the son-of-a-gun Gafar Baba! He shud have declared holiday then, considering it was like... uh.. 1967 when we last won. Useless pigskinned-dumbass-for-show-good-fer-nothing-waste-of-time deputy pm!

Anyway, on XX day the gang n my goodself decided to re-lived the glory of THomaS cup and haf ourselves a good game of Badminton...


chau_fah_hai preparing to make a super-jumping-multi-powered-pants-up-till-crotch-area-cross-court-half-naked-overhead smash....

(Please don't ask me why the fuck he is dressed or not-dressed like that... sometimes i just have faith and leave it to God for most unanswered mysteries in the world...)


Swooooooooooooooosh........!
wahdegreat: Wah lan eh!!! Be pai leh ji keh chibai kia!!!


masterkenzo: (look at the size of his nuts... emmm... yummy!)

yes, he is fucking taping the sole back to his shoe... damn freakozoid-cheap-ass-gay-ass-licking...

Well, our game ended prematurely after that... as they (chau_fah_hai & masterkenzo) decided to adjourned to mamak stall and further proclaimed their love for one another.

ahem.. well my point is that with talents like my goodself and the gang, it is a fucking mystery why Malaysia is still unable to reclaim its rightful throne as King of Badminton...

: ribbit ribbit ribbit ribbbbbbbit (fuck-off masterbear, i'll fucking slice off your dick wit ma lite-saber)

Rare remarks / quotes....nabeh !!!!

- by the great chau_fah_hai -

Ok, following are some of the most memorable ( read : bizzare, wierd, etc.....) quotes ever uttered by stupid idiot brainless chau fah hai great people of today.........

1) The great Semi Value Samy Vellu !!!
Semi Value : Yinilah jembatan yang kirajaan mau beena sama itu Sri Pitaling. Ada cantik ?

Lim Kit Siang : Ada cantik, dato sri. Tapi jambatan ini ada sikit macam..err.....beruk, dato seri.

Semi Value : Yinadeey, pundek mya sekletali !! Dia kasi angkat yini seyeh mya foto sibelum saya jadi Mentri. ( To secretary ) Dey, yinadey !!! Paitiam karra pan poochi !!!! Meleybih-leybih mya sekletali.......

Other VIPs : Whoaaaaa..........




2) The great IT programmer-cum-bloddy frogger chau pot pot bugger bugger debugger-cum-panty hose supermodel, MASTERBEAR !!!! An avid and a formidable badminton player ( pls refer to picture to reflect the supreme athleticism in him ), he it did itself no justice, when he uttered some rubbish unintended words when asked for its opinion regarding a game which it lost heavily.
Reporter : You played really well tonight, unfortunately, luck weren't on your side. What do you think that went wrong ?

Masterbear : I didn't think luck has anything to do with today's game. I mean, look at me. ( flexes body into left side picture's pose ). Don't you think I look great ? Anyway, I'd like to think I manage to get some great smashes in.........just that the net was in my way.( damn tulan like that )

Repoter : .....................................













To be continue......................nabeh !!!!

No money !!! ......nabeh !!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

Huh ? Still waiting for the intro of Transquan v1.1 ? You people are so lame...sweeeeet ! Cumming Comming soon laaaa........

All the promo, naked sweet young things in ultrashort mini skirts like them bloody nihongo racequeens, all the poms, cheesy ribbons...wahlau, "yuan lai" cost so much. **sigh**.....so how ? Postpone lorrr, ni nabeh.

So eager I am to launch the Transquan v1.1, I embarked on a journey to look for some jobs, mainly whoring, prostituiting and gigolo-ing part time ones where I don't need to sacrifice my daytime job. Nabeh, money so hard to come by, is it ????.

So, off to the internet, and I started to google "part time jobs", "tutoring part time", "male whore"etc etc...but to no avail. Then, as magically it appears, my eye sets forth on this particular website.
















Wow, neat huh......not bad. Work at home, type at my snail-cum-tortoise ultra-lightning pace speed and most iomportantly got money worrr . Seriously, I am tempted to try....until I click on to this page.

*check out the circled one laaaa, frag !!

What the fruzzzzz !!! I was so froggo disappointed !! Why ? Kanineh, this website look so promising la, babe. I already so high wanna register, then that stupid mistake really marred all hopes. I mean......."Anyone who are interesting with the job" ???!!!!! What the frail !!!?? I may go as low to be a whore, but frizzzz, I ain't no frolicking around with some ....."job" !!!! I'll make sure my good time is spent with some tank top-long haired miniskirt office girls.......frugsss laaa !!!!

It looks so pro, the website.......really like one of those come-join-me-and-make-money-together-where-in-fact-you-mortgage-your-car-your-soul-while-I-frugs-your-18-year-old-school-going-daughter kinda website !! Nabeh !!!

Catapult 2000 ??? Outdate liao laaa.....nabeh !!

- by chau_fah_hai -

Wahlao !!! Masterkenzo's idea may be cool and sound...but this is the
era of quantum-mengkuantum !!! Where got still niamatic tiuniatic ....
how do you spell that accursed word.......let me google it first....wahlao, nowadays technology aaa, si pek jia lat......ahhh, yes...pneumatic and
maniacal mechanical ....

May I present to you, in my next entry.........where cutting edge quantum
physics and electronics knows no bound......where wave-particle duality
are now practically taking the lead role ( honours to de Broglie !!! )
...where only the brave and steadfast dares to venture......I bring you......

TRANSQUAN v1.1 !!!!

Picture tech spec coming soon. Genarally, the Transquan v1.1 is based
on the Catapult 2000, Transquan v1.1 is the space age version of its predecessors. Conceived from the latest breaktrough in quantum physics
and the rapid advancement in high-frequency modulation electronics and digitized signal processing,Transquan v1.1, via its teleportation technology enables you to send the ones you hate not just to behind you ( as in Catapult 2000 ), but to anywhere you desire and rumoured to hell as well !!














Yes, we can even send these Japanese ass-whores to hell for what they
done to us glorious Chinese back in WW2 !!! Look at how they rejoice
over the Transquan v1.1 !! All these with a single press of the nipple button !!!

Now......back to the drawing board...........................

Titties, Tis, Boobs, booster boobsters........nabeh !!!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

Nabeh !!! Who say discuss about tits are perverted ??! Have respect for titties !!! Masterbear ( aka I_fear_of_tits )feast and gobble up tits like those 16-bit nintendo games pac-man, masterkenzo ( aka I_could_roll_a_cigar_with_my_bare_tits )wrestle with titties all day long and wahdegreat ( aka I_am_so_skinny_my_tits_outweighs_me ) practically have tits as pillow !!!! Pervert prick !!!


















Let's leave tits as they are !!! Want me to come over and do a "Breakback Mountain" on you !? Nabeh !!! We all love titties, don't we? What are we without them.....nabeh nen nen

Definitions of Tits

by masterbear

A couple of moons ago, masterkenzo, chau-fa-hai and i were having 'yamcha' session after an eventless badminton sessions and we were indulging in a conversation about definition of tits. i know it's perverted of us to discuss this topic ... especially in here 'blog'. BUT we had a bet on this...

So we were trying to define ...what is tits? masterkenzo said tits is nipple. Izzit? i dun think so ...i think it meant breasts. So we made a bet and i took the offer and today i'm going to annouce the results, bro... worldwide. so i was googling around and this is one of the first definition i get...

1. Definition of tits is

tits - the Intial transaction statement

No kidding !! it 's actually used in Instant Text of the Uniform Commercial Code (Ucomcode.glo) or whatever this is. This is really unbelieveable.. Next i found this ...

2. Definitions of tits is

(jargon) tits on a keyboard - Small bumps on certain keycaps to help touch-typists find the home keys (ASDF and JKL;) without looking. They are nearly always on the "F" and "J" of a QWERTY and the "5" of a numeric keypad. The Macintosh, perverse as usual, has them on the "D" and "K" keys.

This term is based on the vernacular American expression "as useful as tits on a boar" (or boar-hog, bull, bullfrog, or many other variants), meaning "not useful".

This is certainly most 'useful' now.... seems like there're more usage of tits than i thought .. :D then came a long list of porno sites and stuff..... (bad for the kids ..imagine what they get if they search for the words 'tits'). so i finally went to an official site and found this

3. Definitions of tits is

2 usually vulgar : BREAST -- usually used in plural

So masterkenzo, there you have it.... now you officially owe me 10 bucks. Yes!! (masterkenzo : sorry la, masterbear. You chicken out of the bet on that night, remember? BUAHAHAHA!)So, enough of this topic and by the way, when some people say i'm looking at a pair of tits, they just might not refering to a pair of breasts.

Greatest Invention Ever..!!! Hoohaa..!!

by masterkenzo

Imagine yourself driving a car, stuck in fucking K.L. traffic jam, just after working hour. You just had a long fudging day. Your boss had been acting like a crazed babboon. The office tea-aunty has been harassing you sexually. You were stuck in the elevator with a freaking homo. But alas, the clock struck 6pm and now you are free. You're on your way home. You are looking forward to a nice quiet evening with your hot voluptious girlfriend. For those who are single, too bad.

Then, as the car in front of you started inching forward, some CiBaiKia decided to do the unthinkable. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a CiBaiKia in a heavily modified Proton Wira (trying very hard to resemble a Mitsubishi Evo 7) just pop out ABRUPTLY from nowhere and landed in front of your car. Landed on the empty space which is righteously yours.

You braked your car with the force of 10Gs. Your afternoon's lunch almost make an exit thru every orifices of your body. Strings of profanities came out from your mouth as you watch in disbelief ; freaking CiBaiKia is whistling away obliviously. He must be thinking,

" Wah lan..!! Am I good or what?"

ARRRGGHHHH...!!! You had it,man!! Crazed babboon boss and sex-crazed tea-aunty is one thing, but a fudging CiBaiKia taking away what's mine.??? That's the last straw, fucker..!!

Hence, we bring you the millenium's most revolutionary invention........
Ooohhh..the humanity. How sorry are they going to be when you unleashed the power of The Catapult 2000. You already had it installed, right underneath the engine compartment of your car. After saying a short prayer for mercy on the CiBaiKia poor soul, you flick a yellow switch on your dashboard. Yessss..... it's starting to work now.

The Catapult 2000s' titanium arm started extending unto the CiBaiKia's crap cars' undercarriage. It's arm acting like those you see on a forklift. Yeess.... CiBaiKia's still has no idea what you got in store for him.
[whisper]hoohaa..!![whisper]

Finally, you got the arm fully extended. Yeess... you giggle like a fucking school-girl as you reach for the RED switch. You savour the moment.......and then...FLICK.!!



YESS..!!! AND AWAY HE GOES..!!! You can see it in his bloody eyes!! The word "surprise" is an understatement here. The CiBaiKia has practically NO FUCKING IDEA what hit him. I'm sure he fucking shit in his pant as his beloved Mitsubishi Evo wannabe was flinged into oblivion.

BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
cough cough whheeezzzz...

BUAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.!!
cough cough cough

Yess...yess... my precious... golluum...golluum.. we killed him... yesss.. alas, the space is mine... my precious..

And you happily drove away. Leaving the half-dead CiBaiKia to the vultures circling above.




** Coming Soon..!! Catapult 5000 !! Pack with enormous power enough to fling a 3-tonne lorry !! **

Yes, people... pray like there's no tomorrow.

Yes, people... We have been Virus-ed..!!

by masterkenzo

oohhh... the humanity...

leave the blog unattended for a few days and some virus just breeze in like nobody's business. Yes people, the rumour is true. We have been struck by the most malicious virus man had ever seen.

And it called itself, the Chau_Fah_Hai (scientific name : stinko-botanical-pussino)

Even those midgets at www.blogspot.com can't do anything about it. They just melted away at just a mention of the virus satanic name. Oh the humanity.

The damage so far has been quite disastrous. It has the ability to create new post without an ounce of remorse. It also has the tendency to be crude, lewd , obscene and sickeningly funny.

Hey, wait a minute.... that sounded like me.

Anyway, don't think we can do anything about it though. It's like sticking your finger into someone's ass. You know it's there, but you won't wanna go there,man.

So, life still goes on as usual in the 3master-bedders land. Everybody still wanna kill the purple dinosaur and eat his testicles alive. Yumm.....

People whom rightly deserve a place in the Halls of Da Man......nabeh !!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

1) Chen Fa Ke

"Who ???"
I hear you ask..........
"What the fudge is this ??? "
Well, obviously it's a photo.....ever heard of it ?
"No, I mean who the fry is this ??"






Definitely uninitiated. This is the photograph of the great Chen style Taijiquan grandmaster. He is the grand-daddy of the current 19th generation "zhang men ren" ( penjaga pintu ) ( standard bearer ), Grandmaster Chen Xiaowang. Talented martial artist, resilient, srong, patriotic, dedicated yet humble and love to avoid stardom and fame. Chen Fa Ke is often reverred as the ultmiate guru of the Chen style Taijiquan. Strict in teaching, he has many outstanding students, the most notable is Grandmaster Feng Zhiqiang. Using Chen style Taijiquan, he has defeated many hard style martial artists and of course, bloody-fuckers Nihongo and red-butt angmoh. Famous quote include " How could I be the best when there are many martial artists out there". He is certainly da man.

2) Leaders of People's Republic of China











Of course they deserved a place in the Hall of Da Man. Hey, when you are in control of the world's most populous nation, full of martial artists, dog and cat eaters, the most "Die, or I'll shoot" army with guns and missiles pointing everywhere except the leader's home and office, most sought-after scientists, culturally confused diversified inhabitants ( more than 50 ethnic minorities, u know !! ), rapid progressive people, ambitious future leaders etc......you gotta be da man !

Nevertheless, I am bloody proud to be a full fledge Chinese !!!!! Zhong hua ren min, qian jin !!!

3) Eric Cartman



"It's my Steve Urkel sleeping bag. Ain't it cool ??? "




Whoa.......how could he not being in the list..........the list is not even a list if Eric is not listed. Born to a haemo homae can-fuck-ownself-and-have-baby, prostituiting, crack smoking, yet tender loving caring mom-bitch mom. Eric represents evil and nobody can be more evil than him. He's so evil that he made Satan tremble. Foul-mouthed, racist, hazardly overweight, pampered,.......that's Eric. And a very disturbed child too. BY the way, don't ask me to resize the picture coz Cartman's size only allows unidirectional resize.........outward resize.

4) Richard P. Feynman











Just when you thought your physics lesson was boring. Feynman is what I dubbed as da man. Genius, talented, intellectually superior, yet intellectually funny and fun loving physics guru. He's da man. He re-defines physics and lectuing in physics

My photo....nabeh !!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

So, the 3 losers got photo..........I also cannot lose out. After hours spent on the net looking for the best pic, I finally settled for this one...and henceforth, this will a graphical representation of me.







Ardent fans of South Park will know who this shit is. The uninitiated ones.....get a life.
Why I choose him...or it :
1) He looks ugly.......just like me.
2) He looks like shit......just like me
3) He's pathetic........just like me
4) What a fudging loser........just like me
5) A wierdo........totally like me
6) Nobody likes him.........like me lorrr

Nabeh.................

World's getting wierder by the seconds.........nabeh !!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

I was browsing The Star newspaper dated 25/02/2006 and the action of sctraching of my crotch was abruptly halted the moment I came across this piece of advertisement :















My immediate expression was :














Okay, maybe I have been sticking around doing blogs and not seeing the world as much as I should, so as to realise that there ARE such jobs, but hey....this takes the cake.

With my constant and deep fondness for scratching my gargantuan crotch, I was thinking, " Hey, this may be the job I have been looking for all this while".

Ever since this job appear, I'd figure those famous religiously masseurs you see in newspaper ad ( Tok Pundek, Abang Batang, Pak Jilat ...nehhhh, those with the pictures with a man ala Taliban style while embracing Western technlogy eg., mobile phone ) will lose their place in the world of sensual massage to these more more glamorous engineers.

Whoaaa, I mean...hey, who would you trust ( from the perspective of a typical Malaysian ah soh makcik tangachi who thinks this world is made up of only doctors, engineers, lawyers and accountants { recent amendment dictates that IT-ers be included } ) when you got doubts on ...say, tech stuffs ? Surely you'd go to someone by the title engineer and place your paper thin trust in them, right ? Same here...I mean, whoa......

X : Shit, after lust last night horrr, I realise I can't erect when I was browsing www.friendster.com

Y : Nya boooh.......Let me check **touch touch massage massage X's dick**

X : KNNCB mya son !!!! What the zibai are you doing ??? Niaseng pepet you freezing gay !!!!!

Y : Bloody cock, you really got problem laaaaa.......Neber mind, I help you **show X the newspaper cutting shown above** See, help is at hand. Go look for him. Engineer, you kow...not simple any sinseh, bawang pawang or whatever you call those rubber tapper witchdoctor. Got liglee some more.

X : Nabeh, so high tech alredi this world. Wanna stim also got Engineer to help.....wah lao, mechanical fitting and pipping....damn professional laaaa. Let's go find him.

Y : I also want my gugujiao robotic laaa.......

Whooooaaa......right now, as you are reading this, I am preparing my resume to send to this company.....fudge, they want degree in mechanical engineering and my degree is in Electrical and Electronics....but who the fish care.......mech and electronic complements each other just like brothers

Just imagine....the glamorous world of Erection Engineer. You redefine tech revolution. You are the idol of the entire he-mans plus ah guas and also revered by chics and porn stars.....lucky you...nabehhhh

Petrol increase....nabehhhhh !!!!

- by chau_fah_hai -

Nabeh mya Meleysia gardener garmen !! Always talk using backside !!
The brain also like backside !! In fact everything about them is just like backside mya lubang.









Now petrol price increase RM0.30....and listem to what some top Meleysyen man-whore leader gotta say :

Bad-man : "The estimated annual saving of RM4.4bil in fuel subsidy will be spent to improve the public transport system"

Wow, true also. Judging from the picture besides, Malaysia DOES need to improve its transport system. Mmmm, can we slaughter the cow ?



Bad-man : it was not the Government’s intention to burden the people when it increased the price of fuel.

So, like what...it's my intention to increase is it ? Oh yes, I am 1 cent richer than Bill Gates...so what's this RM0.30 increase ??? Doesn't hurt my steel butt.


Bad-man : The money that we save from the subsidy will be returned to the rakyat in the form of a better public transport system

Public ???? Did I hear wrongly ? Who's the public ? Sure, the money YOU save from subsidy will be contributed to super car like Proton Chancellor. Good choice. ( PC cost hundred thousand over )

Bad-man : The cost to improve the system is high, and now we have the money to improve it

More money for gardener garment officers to give for some sex romping trip in African bushes, maybe....by the way, oi.....what you mean now only got money. Last time where's all the money then??? Hmph, ini mya kes misti kasi itu ASS ISA fuck work it out. Of ocurse laaaa, those ministers are brought up in M*L*Y mentality.....today got money, use it kau kau...tomorrow no money, tomorrow only suan laaaa.......sell motor, sell wife, sell children....anything also can sell. Become minister already, no money so how....sell the rakyat lorrr.......

Bad-man : it was a small sacrifice by the rakyat for a better facility.

Small sacrifice ????? Fudge, have you ever been in the lower rungs of life where a mere 10 cents can mean life or death. The only thing I am willing to sacrifice is the Meleysian gardener garment.

Bad-man : There will be no more increase until December. For 2007, I will not speculate

Freak, what is there to speculate ?? We all know what's gonna happen. Aiyooo, PM so kind horrr....yah lo yah lo, he jaga our feeling horr....yay for Uncle Lah.......What, scared next year nothing to ceramah on ??? Just say things like bermaruah, bekerjasama, fuck work with me, not work for me........then mah no need to speculate lorrr.....

Bad-man : It is better to increase it once ( the petrol price ) and if prices of other things need to be increased, too, it will also happen once

Bad-man displaying his prowess in philosophy. As if saying that now let's have sex with pigs, next time we don't need to eat pig......makes no sense,huh. Classic example of talking with butt.

Bad-man : Who will be happy when prices of things go up ( as a result of increase in petrol )

No need a genius to answer this. But in case you can't differentiate a pig and some Taliban religion, the person who's gonna be happy is our dear old Meleysian gardener garment.

There you have it. Wisdoms from the wise one. Improve public transport ? Sure, you need that kind of amount to hire bloody Indons to drive our asses busses, taxis, LRTs, or perhaps aeroplanes and while doing it, running mass rape on board these transport. Well, after all, we must respect these Indons and their productive cultures, don't we......

Nabeh Citibank,,,,,,,

- by chau_fah_hai -

My beautiful Saturday ( 25/02/2006 ) was marred by the "beautiful" people of Citibank.

Sony Ericsson T610 : Tuuuutuuuuuutuuuu !! ( Super kungfu kick Zhang Tong Liang ass ringtone )

Me : Hello ?

Citibank ( abb. as CB, also means Chibai ) : Hello, can I speak to Mr Lam Jiao XXX, please ? ( wahlao, trying to pretend like so damn hiao )

( At this point, I was gonna like "Oh I'm sorry. Mr Lam Jiao XXX is busy at the moment with a voluptous client. Would you like to speak Miss Chau Fah Hai or Mr Tiu Nia Sing ? Or maybe Mdm Pu Ki Mak ? Will Master Tiu Gao Lei be of interest to you ??" )

Me : It's Lam CHIO XXX.

CB : Ehehe..ok. ( huh ??? Hello, as CB, a professional bank, don't you know what customer service is all about ????? Arent you gonna apologise for likened my name to same male private part ? How's if I call you cunt and laugh super hiao hiao )

Me : *****frown face*****

CB : bla bla bla bla yada yada yada......ok, Mr Lam ?

Me : Ok.

CB : Goodbye and have a nice day, Mr ...........

Me : ( Quickly cut in abruptly ) You haven't apologise for wrongly pronouncing my name.

CB : Oh, heheh ( u know, those bohsia stupid hao ke ai horrr laugh )....Sorry Mr Lam.

Me : ********Bao gong resides in me*******

Customer service....duuuuhhh !!! Citibank worrrrr.....renowned for customer service. Fuck stupid Citibank laaaa !!!!! One more thing...if you are an employee / employer of Citibank, come and suck my ass !!!!!!

Guess who is online ?? !! Pt 2

by chau_fah_hai

I am the proud owner of limpek.blog.com ( and still is ), but the "fine" people at www.blog.com are ...I finally realised......maybe :
1) illiterate
2) have no sense of customer service
3) hopeless
4) understand I.T. as "I, Teapot" or "I, Tits" or "I,Teteh" ( smoothen your tone as you approach -teh )

What happen was as I place in new entries, my earlier ones were ...deleted ?? disappeared ?? destroyed ?? .....I donno exactly what happen, but my earlier entries were gone !!!!

So I emailed those "fine" people at www.blog.com, and til today........wow, they are still upholding the 4 principles I mentioned above. No replies from them. And they so proudly say, "Email us if you have any problems" .....DUUHHH ???!!!!!

I was contemplating to use another blog service, but Masterkenzo and his two loser friends persuaded, begged, pestered, intimidated, lured, sweet-talked, me as if I am some sort of huge mega star ( btw, they adore me ) into joining his pathetic blog because they reckon I have a flair for this and that I could boast the popularity of this blog........

Thanks for swelling my bank account(s), guys. Next round of prostituiting's on Masterbear. I'll write whenever I feel like it laaaa........fuck you !!!!

Guess who is online !!!

Bloody shit !! Kanina !!! I online liao, so ????? You all stupid laaaa....majority of Malaysians no brain one..no manners and no lanjiao !!!!